Some of the most compelling conversations using the "Getting Ahead..." materials arise from the study of "hidden" class rules.  Think about your home, social settings, work, church, etc. and you will begin to identify hidden rules in your surroundings, those to share with an acquaintance to ease the transition into an unfamiliar environment.  Similar rules exist for people who live in poverty, middle class, and wealth. 

One of the mutually fascinating conversations arose with the simple question of, "What do you do when you get home?"  For many investigators shoes come off at the door and one of the first stops is in the kitchen.  One investigator asked if people really leave their keys outside in a fake rock or under a door mat?  She assumed that was only something done in the movies and on TV; incomprehensible to her.  She and another investigator concurred they do not enter their home with their children, the children wait outside, until she* is able to go in and ensure there is no one under the beds, in the shower, no one lurking unbeknownst to her.  Both cannot imagine what it would feel like to walk into their home, actually relaxed and not involuntarily programmed to inventory belongings, to go on about their business.  Other investigators have a dog to minimize the anxiety and fear resulting from their vulnerability. 
*I emphasize the female role as most households in poverty are matriarchal.   

Can you imagine going home and the first emotion is fear of what may be awaiting inside?   I cannot.  It is a foreign concept to me after being raised in the country where leaving doors and windows unlocked is commonplace.  Until you experience first-hand the struggle families experience to survive, you would never know the intricacies hiding behind their eyes.  Open your mind. 

"Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone... just remember that all of the people in this world haven't had the advantages you've had." 
~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

EMPATHY vs. SYMPATHY

I watched this video a few days ago, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about the content and the importance of sharing it with my audience. Please take 3 minutes and allow the 4 qualities of empathy to resonate within you and think of a recent time when you chose to keep moving along in life rather than make a connection with someone.  Connection is what makes something better.  

http://www.thersa.org/events/rsashorts/the-power-of-empathy

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO???  WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO???

I hear this question repeatedly and resounds in my daily thoughts, first starting as a nagging whisper and gradually increasing to an incoherent head-bashing scream.  Paper bills are flung on my desk with an exasperated gasp with dollar signs and red ink admonishing the account owner.  Tears of hopelessness stream down swollen tired cheeks with red-stained eyes searching for the secret to survival within mine. And the question.."What am I supposed to do?" is always close behind after reciting minimal income incomparable to hours worked, imaginary affordable housing, and a vicious cycle of survival.  There has to be a better answer than, "I don't know."  There HAS to be.    

This morning at the outreach center I spoke to a woman who I've known for the 5 years I've been employed.  She is a strong woman, a mother herself, who shared her young son just had a baby.  The baby was born 3 weeks ago and her son and his girlfriend were not prepared but have her to help support them.  This woman also has three other children living in her home that she is caring for.  These other children are not her biological children, but those of "acquaintances" she met while working as a deli manager for countless years and befriending customers.  Two customers asked her to babysit their children and never returned. 

In further emphasizing the previous post from yesterday regarding the woman who left her children in the car during a job interview, many people rely on others they don't know well to help them "get by" as support systems are minimal, if existent. The lady I am referring to above happens to be compassionate and wants these children to have stability despite her own struggle with little resources.  What would have been the outcome if that was not the case? What could have happened to these children in minutes could have had a different outcome all together and certainly making a choice to have your children wait in the car during a job interview must have been the only choice for this mom. 

Investigating poverty and the decisions a person makes differs greatly depending on your own circumstances, culture, and expectations.  Bridges out of Poverty written by Dr. Ruby Payne openly dispels the stereotypes and reveals the reality for families and individuals in need.  The outcome is to use the same language and have a better understanding of poverty. As one UP3 investigator illustrated poverty in a drawing with a noose around her neck to describe the feeling of being strangled by no opportunity nor choice, "Bridges" further emphasizes the untold truth.